VEDA Day 1 - Let’s Get Acquainted
VEDA Day 1 - Let’s Get Acquainted
i love the Women Against Feminism that are like “I dont need feminism because i can admit i need my husband to open a jar for me and thats ok!” cause listen 1. get a towel 2. get the towel damp 3. put it on the lid and twist. BAM now men are completely useless. you, too, can open a jar. time to get a divorce
The hilarious (or do I really mean saddening?) thing about this is the blatant misunderstanding about what feminism actually is on both sides of the original post.
I have my boyfriend open things for me all the time because his grip is just stronger. Feminism isn’t about women having men do things for them. Feminism isn’t about making men useless.
Feminism is about all genders being recognized as equally valuable as human beings. This is most important in the way women, genderfluid, and transgender people are treated in the media and in our daily lives. This is about women having more right to our bodies than strangers. This is about women, genderfluid, and transgender people being treated the same in the workplace, having the same opportunities, the same benefits, and the same respect as cisgender men.
I wish that “non-feminists” would stop trivializing feminism to mean that women can’t have anything to do with cis men, and I wish actual feminists would stop using this as an excuse to deny men the same rights to equality. Men may have it better in our society, but in order to achieve true gender equality, we would do much better to remember that we want to have the same status that men currently have. Bringing them down to the status we currently hold is just shitty for everyone. You can’t stomp someone else down if you want to raise yourself up.
You think I’m not a g o d d e s s ?
aaa it looks like you had so much fuuuunnn!!! and you’re not lobster red so a++ job with the sunscreen
I know I don’t look that red, but I can assure you that everything that looks just kinda tan was actually fiery red in real life. The camera and/or lighting just dulled it significantly. It was to the point where just touching the burn was agony, mainly that part on my back and the chunk above my knee.
Also, that first night I got the burn on my back, I had to lie on my stomach without a shirt so that I could put paper towels soaked in cold tea on my back, and for days after, you could feel the heat from the burns through my clothes. Bleh…
Yesterday, my knee started peeling, and even after the initial layer of dead, too-baked skin was removed, there was (and is, really) still a crispy layer of dead skin that looks ready to peel. It’s like I got double-baked on my knee at least. Such red. Very pain. Ow… XD
California Beach Vacation
Daenerys Targaryen inspired photo shoot featuring Kathryn Lacey
The last two are just for fun, don’t mind me :D
Date a guy who is tall, dark and handsome. Date a guy with tattoos. Date a guy with flawless eyeliner. Date a guy who is so tall he can lift you up onto the horse he just gave you. Date Khal Drogo.
in which i am christian grey
Favourite Books - American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Without individuals we see only numbers: a thousand dead, a hundred thousand dead, “casualties may rise to a million.” With individual stories, the statistics become people — but even that is a lie, for the people continue to suffer in numbers that themselves are numbing and meaningless. Look, see the child’s swollen, swollen belly, and the flies that crawl at the corners of his eyes, his skeletal limbs: will it make it easier for you to know his name, his age, his dreams, his fears? To see him from the inside? And if it does, are we not doing a disservice to his sister, who lies in the searing dust beside him, a distorted, distended caricature of a human child? And there, if we feel for them, are they now more important to us than a thousand other children touched by the same famine, a thousand other young lives who will soon be food for the flies’ own myriad squirming children?
(inspired by mmorrow’s magazine-type photosets)
….when it comes to a black woman having a potential relationship with the white male lead. Suddenly, there’s “too much going on” for a relationship, and the black woman doesn’t need to be seen as dependent on a man (which is such bullshit as she’s already independent and solitary to a fault).
So here’s the thing…
Whether you agree with it or not, media criticism is an essential and necessary part of fandom. It is both a reflection and examination of what is and the hope for what might be.
if we’re being honest, our media has more often than not done an embarrassing job of showing the world as it should be. And the version of the world they do show is full of the same tropes, idioms and cliches that prevent us from telling more fully realized stories of POC that make the color of our skin just one part of a much more interesting characterization rather than a primary defining quality.
In the former, women of color are BAMF’s with agency who don’t need to be alone because “a man doesn’t define them”. They fuck, they fight, they give and receive love in a way that says more about their humanity then their skin color and the embedded messaging that it implies.
In the latter, Abbie Mills doesn’t need to be defined by her relationship to a man and will therefore never be romantically involved with Ichabod (or anyone else).
As the demographic makeup of our country changes, the codified biases and prejudices that have empowered white males throughout history and subjugated the “other” have not magically disappeared.
One hopes that the proliferation of new media platforms creates more opportunities in front of and behind the camera to tell stories that are a reflection of what our society is capable of becoming.
I have wanted Abbie and Ichabod to have a romantic relationship practically since the moment they laid eyes on each other. I was frustrated and dismayed when Katrina turned out to still be in the picture, essentially sinking my ship because I felt that Abbie and Ichabod have far more chemistry and potential together than Katrina and Ichabod. I’ve had to resign myself to a mere platonic relationship for my ship.
As much as I love the idea of strong, independent women who don’t need men, and as much as I love platonic relationships themselves, I never thought about the implications of their not having romantic links. Until I saw these two posts, I didn’t even realize that media does this to women of colour, that writers tend to try to pacify feminists with strong women while continuing to subjugate those who aren’t white.
I am glad that, as a white woman, I can be shown that these things exist so that I don’t sit passively by while they continue, but I am immensely saddened that these things continue to exist at all with how far we’re supposed to have come. I can’t allow myself to be resigned any more. I’m going to be more vocal about how messed up this sort of thing is. Even if she doesn’t end up with Ichabod, Abbie should be allowed to have romantic love in her life. Being strong does not always mean being alone.
jk rowling unilaterally writing that not a single member of slytherin house fought in the battle of hogwarts and instead every single one of them hid like cowards is honestly one of the laziest most flaccid writing decisions of our time
I always saw it as more of a decision made by the teachers to keep the Slytherins from having to fight against people they knew like their family and friends. If you want to critique the writing, it would be more potent to point out the fact that one house was created as a place for every villain.
Being ace is really fucking hard sometimes. I’m writing this to help vent some of my feelings, and I hold out hope that maybe this will find and help someone else, too.
I often find myself wishing I were allosexual (which I find myself often referring to as “normal” — I’ve been fighting to correct that inherent behaviour, even if allosexuality is as far as we know more common and therefore technically more “normal” by majority… you all know what I mean). I feel sometimes that I’m lacking an intrinsic piece of the human puzzle by not being able to experience sexual attraction. But then I remind myself that I’m not necessarily lacking it, I’m just seeing it differently, or my version of the puzzle is complete with a different piece.
The founder of AVEN once said that growing up ace in an allo world was like growing up with alien messages all around you that you can’t understand, and I relate so deeply to that.
There is literally an episode of House MD where a couple comes in and they both claim to be asexual. House’s immediate response? “That’s impossible, that goes against the foundation of our species!” His girlfriend then makes some bursting remark about how “sometimes she needs a little more”.This arch concludes when they discover a tumor in his brain that was making him asexual. They remove it and he is ~*cured*~.
… That alone fucked with me real hard for a long time.
…I used to identify as demisexual, and then after a long time of exploring and developing myself and my (a)sexual identity, I realized that I identify much more with the terminology “asexual” (ace). See, I used to think that romantic (I am not aro myself) attraction would open the door to sexual attraction. That I could totally tap into that feeling, those desires, but it just had to be with the RIGHT person. To avoid long explanations with people I knew wouldn’t understand, I’d just call myself “picky”.
Then I was in a terrible relationship that reinforced the notion that I was broken and partially inhuman for being the way I was. I couldn’t figure it out myself. How could I not just feel or experience this thing that everyone else around me could? Maybe I WAS sick, like the guy in House?
Flash forward to today, and I’m in what some have deemed a “mixed relationship”. My boyfriend is allo. We make it work for the most part with communication, respect, and love. Sometimes one or both of us falters on the communication part, and sometimes there are things about me that my boyfriend doesn’t understand. It’s like the opposite of my experience in this world. Sometimes he just can’t quite comprehend how alien it is not to have a sexual mechanism.
That makes things tricky sometimes. It makes things really complicated and sensitive. But because we have love and respect, we can work through these things.
The point I’m trying to get across is that aces/gray-as/demis both sexual and/or romantic in nature, all of you - all of us - deserve respect and acknowledgment. You deserve only the best in this world. Do not let anyone tell you that you are broken or confused. They are wrong.
Do not let anyone treat you with any less love and respect than you want. That level is what you deserve, and absolutely nothing less.
It will not always be easy. But you have agency, and you know yourself. And you have support, from all of us in this community, from me, from AVEN, and from your friends who accept and love you even when or if they don’t fully understand.
If you identify as ace or aro, you are perfect and normal and wonderful and deserve nothing but the best.
While I can’t begin to understand how challenging things must be for anyone who identifies as asexual, I do wish more people would be respectful of the simple fact that not everyone is inherently sexual. It sucks that even the media portrays it as something that’s more of a medical problem than simply a different way of perceiving certain biological cues.
If heterosexuality and even homosexuality can be accepted (at least scientifically) as something born into a person, then asexuality should also be accepted as such, too. I believe our sexual or asexual natures are simply a part of us. They don’t define our value as people, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t an important part of our identities.
Living in a world where women, especially, are hyper-sexualized, I used to think that in order to be perceived as a legitimate person, I had to be very open to sexual experiences, even if I wasn’t necessarily ready for them. I felt like maybe something was wrong with me if I didn’t always want sex and those experiences. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that while I might enjoy sexual activities sometimes, it’s okay to admit to not wanting them.
I definitely wish that the media portrayed relationships in ways that aren’t inherently sexual. I would love to see the kind of relationship you have with your significant other portrayed between a couple in a movie or on TV. That kind of open communication isn’t even really shown between allo couples, either. It’s all sex and passion and… really it’s just warped. Lust isn’t all there is to a relationship, and sometimes it’s not even an essential piece of that puzzle. Communication is far more important.
Again, I’m sorry that you have to go through life seeing a world that doesn’t believe your perceptions of the world are valid, but just know that there are allies who support you. In LGBTQA, the A stands for Asexual, and that’s incredibly important for people to remember. Allies don’t need to be represented in that because we’re already represented everywhere else.
The world is changing and while there are always steps back, it feels like there are at least a couple of steps forward to keep things progressing. I hope that in the near future, our society will recognize, respect, and represent asexual people in a far better and more frequent light than we do currently.
"My response to the “I am not a feminist” internet phenomenon….
First of all, it’s clear you don’t know what feminism is. But I’m not going to explain it to you. You can google it. To quote an old friend, “I’m not the feminist babysitter.”
But here is what I think you should know.
You’re insulting every woman who was forcibly restrained in a jail cell with a feeding tube down her throat for your right to vote, less than 100 years ago.
You’re degrading every woman who has accessed a rape crisis center, which wouldn’t exist without the feminist movement.
You’re undermining every woman who fought to make marital rape a crime (it was legal until 1993).
You’re spitting on the legacy of every woman who fought for women to be allowed to own property (1848). For the abolition of slavery and the rise of the labor union. For the right to divorce. For women to be allowed to have access to birth control (Comstock laws). For middle and upper class women to be allowed to work outside the home (poor women have always worked outside the home). To make domestic violence a crime in the US (It is very much legal in many parts of the world). To make workplace sexual harassment a crime.
In short, you know not what you speak of. You reap the rewards of these women’s sacrifices every day of your life. When you grin with your cutsey sign about how you’re not a feminist, you ignorantly spit on the sacred struggle of the past 200 years. You bite the hand that has fed you freedom, safety, and a voice.
In short, kiss my ass, you ignorant little jerks.”
It was my friend’s mom’s birthday yesterday. Both our moms are single parents and I started thinking about how strong they had to be for us. Then I started thinking about women of color in general. Being a PoC ain’t a walk in the park by itself, but add being a woman in a patriarchal society? Nahhh. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for women of color. AND THEN people have the nerve to call em out on being hard and growing a thick skin, telling them to smile and be happy n’ shit. Fuck outta here. Women that face all that bull and STILL manage to come out on top amaze me.
These thoughts inspired this piece. A black Wonder Woman.